HE RECALLS
THE BEGINNING OF HIS YOUTH, i.e. THE THIRTY-FIRST YEAR OF HIS
AGE, IN WHICH VERY GRAVE ERRORS AS TO THE NATURE OF GOD AND THE
ORIGIN OF EVIL BEING DISTINGUISHED, AND THE SACRED BOOKS MORE
ACCURATELY KNOWN, HE AT LENGTH ARRIVES AT A CLEAR KNOWLEDGE OF
GOD, NOT YET RIGHTLY APPREHENDING JESUS CHRIST.
CHAP. I. HE REGARDED NOT
GOD INDEED UNDER THE FORM OF A HUMAN BODY, BUT AS A CORPOREAL
SUBSTANCE DIFFUSED THROUGH SPACE.
1. DEAD now was that evil and abominable youth of mine, and
I was passing into early manhood: as I increased in years, the
fouler became I in vanity, who could not conceive of any
substance but such as I saw with my own eyes. I thought not of
Thee, O God, under the form of a human body. Since the time I
began to hear something of wisdom, I always avoided this; and I
rejoiced to have found the same in the faith of our spiritual
mother, Thy Catholic Church. But what else to imagine Thee I
knew not. And I, a man, and such a man, sought to conceive of
Thee, the sovereign and only true God; and I did in my inmost
heart believe that Thou wert incorruptible, and inviolable, and
unchangeable; because, not knowing whence or how, yet most
plainly did I see and feel sure that that which may be corrupted
must be worse than that which cannot, and what cannot be violated
did I without hesitation prefer before that which can, and deemed
that which suffers no change to be better than that which is
changeable. Violently did my heart cry out against all my
phantasms, and with this one blow I endeavoured to beat away from
the eye of my mind all that unclean crowd which fluttered around
it. And lo, being scarce put off, they, in the twinkling of an
eye, pressed in multitudes around me, dashed against my face, and
beclouded it; so that, though I thought not of Thee under the
form of a human body, yet was I constrained to image Thee to be
something corporeal in space, either infused into the world, or
infinitely diffused beyond it, even that incorruptible,
inviolable, and unchangeable, which I preferred to the
corruptible, and violable, and changeable; since whatsoever I
conceived, deprived of this space, appeared as nothing to me,
yea, altogether nothing, not even a void, as if a body were
removed from its place and the place should remain empty of any
body at all, whether earthy, terrestrial, watery, aerial, or
celestial, but should remain a void place a spacious nothing,
as it were.
2. I therefore being thus gross-hearted, nor
clear even to myself, whatsoever was not stretched over certain
spaces, nor diffused, nor crowded together, nor swelled out, or
which did not or could not receive some of these dimensions, I
judged to be altogether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes
are wont to range did my heart then range; nor did I see that
this same observation, by which I formed those same images, was
not of this kind, and yet it could not have formed them had not
itself been something great. In like manner did I conceive of
Thee, Life of my life, as vast through infinite spaces, on every
side penetrating the whole mass of the world, and beyond it, all
ways, through immeasurable and boundless spaces; so that the
earth should have Thee, the heaven have Thee, all things have
Thee, and they bounded in Thee, but Thou nowhere. For as the
body of this air which is above the earth preventeth not the
light of the sun from passing through it, penetrating it, not by
bursting or by cutting, but by filling it entirely, so I imagined
the body, not of heaven, air, and sea only, but of the earth
also, to be pervious to Thee, and in all its greatest parts as
well as smallest penetrable to receive Thy presence, by a secret
inspiration, both inwardly and outwardly governing all things
which Thou hast created. So I conjectured, because I was unable
to think of anything else; for it was untrue. For in this way
would a greater part of the earth contain a greater portion of
Thee, and the less a lesser; and all things should so be full of
Thee, as that the body of an elephant should contain more of Thee
than that of a sparrow by how much larger it is, and occupies
more room; and so shouldest Thou make the portions of Thyself
present unto the several portions of the world, in pieces, great
to the great, little to the little. But Thou art not such a one;
nor hadst Thou as yet enlightened my darkness.
CHAP. II. THE DISPUTATION
OF NEBRIDIUS AGAINST THE MANICHAEANS, ON THE QUESTION "WHETHER
GOD BE CORRUPTIBLE OR INCORRUPTIBLE."
3. It was sufficient for me, O Lord, to oppose to those
deceived deceivers and dumb praters (dumb, since Thy word sounded
not forth from them) that which a long while ago, while we were
at Carthage, Nebridius used to propound, at which all we who
heard it were disturbed: "What could that reputed nation of
darkness, which the Manichaeans are in the habit of setting up as
a mass opposed to Thee, have done unto Thee hadst Thou objected
to fight with it? For had it been answered, 'It would have done
Thee some injury,' then shouldest Thou be subject to violence and
corruption; but if the reply were: 'It could do Thee no injury,'
then was no cause assigned for Thy fighting with it; and so
fighting as that a certain portion and member of Thee, or
offspring of Thy very substance, should be blended with adverse
powers and natures not of Thy creation, and be by them corrupted
and deteriorated to such an extent as to be turned from happiness
into misery, and need help whereby it might be delivered and
purged; and that this offspring of Thy substance was the soul, to
which, being enslaved, contaminated, and corrupted, Thy word,
free, pure, and entire, might bring succour; but yet also the
word itself being corruptible, because it was from one and the
same substance. So that should they affirm Thee, whatsoever Thou
art, that is, Thy substance whereby Thou art, to be
incorruptible, then were all these assertions false and
execrable; but if corruptible, then that were false, and at the
first utterance to be abhorred." This argument, then, was enough
against those who wholly merited to be vomited forth from the
surfeited stomach, since they had no means of escape without
horrible sacrilege, both of heart and tongue, thinking and
speaking such things of Thee.
CHAP. III. THAT THE
CAUSE OF EVIL IS THE FREE JUDGMENT OF THE WILL.
4. But I also, as yet, although I said and was firmly
persuaded, that Thou our Lord, the true God, who madest not only
our souls but our bodies, and not our souls and bodies alone, but
all creatures and all things, wert uncontaminable and
inconvertible, and in no part mutable: yet understood I not
readily and clearly what was the cause of evil. And yet,
whatever it was, I perceived that it must be so sought out as not
to constrain me by it to believe that the immutable God was
mutable, lest I myself should become the thing that I was seeking
out. I sought, therefore, for it free from care, certain of the
untruthfulness of what these asserted, whom I shunned with my
whole heart; for I perceived that through seeking after the
origin of evil, they were filled with malice, in that they liked
better to think that Thy Substance did suffer evil than that
their own did commit it.
5. And I directed my attention to
discern what I now heard, that free will was the cause of our
doing evil, and Thy righteous judgment of our suffering it. But
I was unable clearly to discern it. So, then, trying to draw the
eye of my mind from that pit, I was plunged again therein, and
trying often, was as often plunged back again. But this raised
me towards Thy light, that I knew as well that I had a will as
that I had life: when, therefore, I was willing or unwilling to
do anything, I was most certain that it was none but myself that
was willing and unwilling; and immediately I perceived that there
was the cause of my sin. But what I did against my will I saw
that I suffered rather than did, and that judged I not to be my
fault, but my punishment; whereby, believing Thee to be most
just, I quickly confessed myself to be not unjustly punished.
But again I said: "Who made me? Was it not my God, who is not
only good, but goodness itself? Whence came I then to will to do
evil, and to be unwilling to do good, that there might be cause
for my just punishment? Who was it that put this in me, and
implanted in me the root of bitterness, seeing I was altogether
made by my most sweet God? If the devil were the author, whence
is that devil? And if he also, by his own perverse will, of a
good angel became a devil, whence also was the evil will in him
whereby he became a devil, seeing that the angel was made
altogether good by that most Good Creator?" By these reflections
was I again cast down and stifled; yet not plunged into that hell
of error (where no man confesseth unto Thee), to think that Thou
dost suffer evil, rather than that man doth it.
CHAP. IV. THAT GOD IS NOT
CORRUPTIBLE, WHO, IF HE WERE, WOULD NOT BE GOD AT ALL.
6. For I was so struggling to find out the rest, as having
already found that what was incorruptible must be better than the
corruptible; and Thee, therefore, whatsoever Thou wert, did I
acknowledge to be incorruptible. For never yet was, nor will be,
a soul able to conceive of anything better than Thou, who art the
highest and best good. But whereas most truly and certainly that
which is incorruptible is to be preferred to the corruptible
(like as I myself did now prefer it), then, if Thou were not
incorruptible, I could in my thoughts have reached unto something
better than my God. Where, then, I saw that the incorruptible
was to be preferred to the corruptible, there ought I to seek
Thee, and there observe "whence evil itself was," that is, whence
comes the corruption by which Thy substance can by no means be
profaned. For corruption, truly, in no way injures our God,
by no will, by no necessity, by no unforeseen chance, because
He is God, and what He wills is good, and Himself is that good;
but to be corrupted is not good. Nor art Thou compelled to do
anything against Thy will in that Thy will is not greater than
Thy power. But greater should it be wert Thou Thyself greater
than Thyself; for the will and power of God is God Himself. And
what can be unforeseen by Thee, who knowest all things? Nor is
there any sort of nature but Thou knowest it. And what more
should we say "why that substance which God is should not be
corruptible," seeing that if it were so it could not be God?
CHAP. V. QUESTIONS
CONCERNING THE ORIGIN OF EVIL IN REGARD TO GOD, WHO, SINCE HE IS
THE CHIEF GOOD, CANNOT BE THE CAUSE OF EVIL.
7. And I sought "whence is evil?" And sought in an evil
way; nor saw I the evil in my very search. And I set in order
before the view of my spirit the whole creation, and whatever we
can discern in it, such as earth, sea, air, stars, trees, living
creatures; yea, and whatever in it we do not see, as the
firmament of heaven, all the angels, too, and all the spiritual
inhabitants thereof. But these very beings, as though they were
bodies, did my fancy dispose in such and such places, and I made
one huge mass of all Thy creatures, distinguished according to
the kinds of bodies, some of them being real bodies, some what
I myself had feigned for spirits. And this mass I made huge,
not as it was, which I could not know, but as large as I thought
well, yet every way finite. But Thee, O Lord, I imagined on
every part environing and penetrating it, though every way
infinite; as if there were a sea everywhere, and on every side
through immensity nothing but an infinite sea; and it contained
within itself some sponge, huge, though finite, so that the
sponge would in all its parts be filled from the immeasurable
sea. So conceived I Thy Creation to be itself finite, and filled
by Thee, the Infinite. And I said, Behold God, and behold what
God hath created; and God is good, yea, most mightily and
incomparably better than all these; but yet He, who is good, hath
created them good, and behold how He encircleth and filleth them.
Where, then, is evil, and whence, and how crept it in hither ?
What is its root, and what its seed ? Or hath it no being at all?
Why, then, do we fear and shun that which hath no being ? Or if
we fear it needlessly, then surely: is that fear evil whereby the
heart is unnecessarily pricked and tormented, and so much a
greater evil, as we have naught to fear, and yet do fear.
Therefore either that is evil which we fear, or the act of
fearing is in itself evil. Whence, therefore, is it, seeing that
God, who is good, hath made all these things good ? He, indeed,
the greatest and chiefest Good, hath created these lesser goods;
but both Creator and created are all good. Whence is evil ? Or
was there some evil matter of which He made and formed and
ordered it, but left something in it which He did not convert
into good ? But why was this? Was He powerless to change the
whole lump, so that no evil should remain in it, seeing that He
is omnipotent? Lastly, why would He make anything at all of it,
and not rather by the same omnipotency cause it not to be at all
? Or could it indeed exist contrary to His will ? Or if it were
from eternity, why did He permit it so to be for infinite spaces
of times in the past, and was pleased so long after to make
something out of it ? Or if He wished now all of a sudden to do
something, this rather should the Omnipotent have accomplished,
that this evil matter should not be at all, and that He only
should be the whole, true, chief, and infinite Good. Or if it
were not good that He, who was good, should not also be the
framer and creator of what was good, then that matter which was
evil being removed, and brought to nothing, He might form good
matter, whereof He might create all things. For He would not be
omnipotent were He not able to create something good without
being assisted by that matter which had not been created by
Himself. Such like things did I revolve in my miserable breast,
overwhelmed with most gnawing cares lest I should die ere I
discovered the truth; yet was the faith of Thy Christ, our Lord
and Saviour, as held in the Catholic Church, fixed firmly in my
heart, unformed, indeed, as yet upon many points, and diverging
from doctrinal rules, but yet my mind did not utterly leave it,
but every day rather drank in more and more of it.
CHAP. VI. HE REFUTES THE.
DIVINATIONS OF THE ASTROLOGERS, DEDUCED FROM THE
CONSTELLATIONS.
8. Now also had I repudiated the lying divinations and
impious absurdities of the astrologers. Let Thy mercies, out of
the depth of my soul, confess unto thee for this also, O my God.
For Thou, Thou altogether, for who else is it that calls us back
from the death of all errors, but that Life which knows not how
to die, and the Wisdom which, requiring no light, enlightens the
minds that do, whereby the universe is governed, even to the
fluttering leaves of trees ? Thou providedst also for my
obstinacy wherewith I struggled with Vindicianus,(3) an acute old
man, and Nebridius, a young one of remarkable talent; the former
vehemently declaring, and the latter frequently, though with a
certain measure of doubt, saying, "That no art existed by which
to foresee future things, but that men's surmises had oftentimes
the help of luck, and that of many things which they foretold
some came to pass unawares to the predictors, who lighted on it
by their oft speaking." Thou, therefore, didst provide a friend
for me, who was no negligent consulter of the astrologers, and
yet not thoroughly skilled in those arts, but, as I said, a
curious consulter with them; and yet knowing somewhat, which he
said he had heard from his father, which, how far it would tend
to overthrow the estimation of that art, he knew not. This man,
then, by name Firminius, having received a liberal education, and
being well versed in rhetoric, consulted me, as one very dear to
him, as to what I thought on some affairs of his, wherein his
worldly hopes had risen, viewed with regard to his so-called
constellations; and I, who had now begun to lean in this
particular towards Nebridius' opinion, did not indeed decline to
speculate about the matter, and to tell him what came into my
irresolute mind, but still added that I was now almost persuaded
that these were but empty and ridiculous follies. Upon this he
told me that his father had been very curious in such books, and
that he had a friend who was as interested in them as he was
himself, who, with combined study and consultation, fanned the
flame of their affection for these toys, insomuch that they would
observe the moment when the very dumb animals which bred in their
houses brought forth, and then observed the position of the
heavens with regard to them, so as to gather fresh proofs of this
so-called art. He said, moreover, that his father had told him,
that at the time his mother was about to give birth to him
(Firminius), a female servant of that friend of his father's was
also great with child, which could not be hidden from her master,
who took care with most diligent exactness to know of the birth
of his very dogs. And so it came to pass that (the one for his
wife, and the other for his servant, with the most careful
observation, calculating the days and hours, and the smaller
divisions of the hours) both were delivered at the same moment,
so that both were compelled to allow the very selfsame
constellations, even to the minutest point, the one for his son,
the other for his young slave. For so soon as the women began to
be in travail, they each gave notice to the other of what was
fallen out in their respective houses, and had messengers ready
to despatch to one another so soon as they had information of the
actual birth, of which they had easily provided, each in his own
province, to give instant intelligence. Thus, then, he said, the
messengers of the respective parties met one another in such
equal distances from either house, that neither of them could
discern any difference either in the position of the stars or
other most minute points. And yet Firminius, born in a high
estate in his parents' house, ran his course through the
prosperous paths of this world, was increased in wealth, and
elevated to honours; whereas that slave the yoke of his
condition being unrelaxed continued to serve his masters, as
Firminius, who knew him, informed me.
9. Upon hearing and
believing these things, related by so reliable a person, all that
resistance of mine melted away; and first I endeavoured to
reclaim Firminius himself from that curiosity, by telling him,
that upon inspecting his constellations, I ought, were I to
foretell truly, to have seen in them parents eminent among their
neighbours, a noble family in its own city, good birth, becoming
education, and liberal learning. But if that servant had
consulted me upon the same constellations, since they were his
also, I ought again to tell him, likewise truly, to see in them
the meanness of his origin, the abjectness of his condition, and
everything else altogether removed from and at variance with the
former. Whence, then, looking upon the same constellations, I
should, if I spoke the truth, speak diverse things, or if I spoke
the same, speak falsely; thence assuredly was it to be gathered,
that whatever, upon consideration of the constellations, was
foretold truly, .was not by art, but by chance; and whatever
falsely, was not from the unskillfulness of the art, but the
error of chance.
10. An opening being thus made, I
ruminated within myself on such things, that no one of those
dotards (who followed such occupations, and whom I longed to
assail, and with derision to confute) might urge against me that
Firminius had informed me falsely, or his father him: I turned my
thoughts to those that are born twins, who generally come out of
the womb so near one to another, that the small distance of time
between them how much force soever they may contend that it has
in the nature of things cannot be noted by human observation, or
be expressed in those figures which the astrologer is to examine
that he may pronounce the truth. Nor can they be true; for,
looking into the same figures, he must have foretold the same of
Esau and Jacob,(1) whereas the same did not happen to them. He
must therefore speak falsely; or if truly, then, looking into the
same figures, he must not speak the same things. Not then by
art, but by chance, would he speak truly. For Thou, O Lord, most
righteous Ruler of the universe, the inquirers and inquired of
knowing it not, workest by a hidden inspiration that the
consulter should hear what, according to the hidden deservings of
souls, he ought to hear, out of the depth of Thy righteous
judgment, to whom let not man say, ' ' What is this ?" or "Why
that ?" Let him not say so, for he is man.
CHAP. VII. HE IS SEVERELY
EXERCISED AS TO THE ORIGIN OF EVIL.
11. And now, O
my Helper, hadst Thou freed me from those fetters; and I
inquired, "Whence is evil ?" and found no result. But Thou
sufferedst me not to be carried away from the faith by any
fluctuations of thought, whereby I believed Thee both to exist,
and Thy substance to be unchangeable, and that Thou hadst a care
of and wouldest judge men; and that in Christ, Thy Son, our Lord,
and the Holy Scriptures, which the authority of Thy Catholic
Church pressed upon me, Thou hadst planned the way of man's
salvation to that life which is to come after this death. These
things being safe and immoveably settled in my mind, I eagerly
inquired, "Whence is evil ?" What torments did my travailing
heart then endure! What sighs, O my God ! Yet even there were
Thine ears open, and I knew it not; and when in stillness I
sought earnestly, those silent contritions of my soul were strong
cries unto Thy mercy. No man knoweth, but only Thou, what I
endured. For what was that which was thence through my tongue
poured into the ears of my most familiar friends ? Did the whole
tumult of my soul, for which neither time nor speech was
sufficient, reach them ? Yet went the whole into Thine ears, all
of which I bellowed out from the sightings of my heart; and my
desire was before Thee, and the light of mine eyes was not with
me; (2) for that was within, I without. Nor was that in place,
but my attention was directed to things contained in place; but
there did I find no resting-place, nor did they receive me in
such a way as that I could say, "It is sufficient, it is well;"
nor did they let me turn back, where it might be well enough with
me. For to these things was I superior, but inferior to Thee;
and Thou art my true joy when I am subjected to Thee, and Thou
hadst subjected to me what Thou createdst beneath me.(1) And this
was the true temperature and middle region of my safety, to
continue in Thine image, and by serving Thee to have dominion
over the body. But when I lifted myself proudly against I Thee,
and "ran against the Lord, even on His l neck, with the thick
bosses" of my buckler, (2) even these inferior things were placed
above l me, and pressed upon me, and nowhere was/ there
alleviation or breathing space. They/ encountered my sight on
every side in crowds I and troops, and in thought the images of l
bodies obtruded themselves as I was returning to Thee, as if they
would say unto me, "Whither goest thou, unworthy and base one ?"
And these things had sprung forth out of my wound; for thou
humblest the proud like one that is wounded,(3) and through my
own swelling was I separated from Thee; yea, my too much swollen
face closed up mine eyes.
CHAP. VIII. BY GOD'S
ASSISTANCE HE BY DEGREES ARRIVES AT THE TRUTH.
12. "But
Thou, O Lord, shall endure for ever,"(4) yet not for ever art
Thou angry with us, because Thou dost commiserate our dust and lt
ashes; and it was pleasing in Thy sight to reform my deformity,
and by inward stings didst Thou disturb me, that I should be
dissatisfied until Thou wert made sure to my inward sight. And
by the secret hand of Thy remedy was my swelling lessened, and
the disordered and darkened eyesight of my mind, by the sharp
anointings of healthful sorrows, was from day to day made whole.
CHAP. IX. HE COMPARES THE
DOCTRINE OF THE PLATONISTS CONCERNING THE LoUod
WITH THE MUCH MORE EXCELLENT DOCTRINE OF CHRISTIANITY.
13. And Thou, willing first to show me how Thou "resistest
the proud, but givesgrace "and by how great act of mercy Thou
hadst pointed out to men the path of humility, in that Thy "Word
was made flesh" and dwelt among men, Thou procuredst for me, by
the instrumentality of one inflated with most monstrous pride, i
certain books of the Platonists,(6) translated from Greek into
Latin.(7) And therein I read, not indeed in the same words, but
to the selfsame effects enforced by many and divers reasons,
that, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God.
All things were made by Him; and without Him was not any thing
made that was made." That which was made by Him is "life; and
the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in
darkness; and the darkness comprehendeth it not." And that the
soul of man, though it "bears witness of the light,"(2) yet
itself" is not that light; (8) but the Word of God, being God, is
that true light that lighteth every man that cometh into the
world." (4) And that "He was in the world, and the world was
made by Him,: and the world knew Him not." (6) But that: "He
came unto His own, and His own received Him not. (8) But as many
as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God,
even to then: that believe on His name."(7) This I did not read
there.
14. In like manner, I read there that God the Word
was born not of flesh, nor of blood,: nor of the will of man, nor
of the will of the flesh, but of God. But that "the Word was
made flesh, and dwelt among us," I read not there. For I
discovered in those books that it i was in many and divers ways
said, that the Son was in the form of the Father, and "thought it
not robbery to be equal with God," for that naturally He was the
same substance. But that He emptied Himself, "and took upon Him
the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and
being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, and became
obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God
also hath highly exalted Him" from the dead, "and given Him a
name above every name; that at the name of Jesus every knee
should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things
under the earth; and that every tongue should confess that Jesus
Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father; (9) those books
have not. For that before all times, and above all times, Thy
only-begotten Son remaineth unchangeably co-eternal with Thee;
and that of" His fulness" souls receive,(10) that they may be
blessed; and that by participation of the wisdom remaining in
them they are renewed, that they may be wise, is there. But that
"in due time Christ died for the ungodly," n and that Thou
sparedst not Thine only Son, but deliveredst Him up for us
all,(12) is not there. "Because Thou hast hid these things from
the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes;" xs that
they "that labour and are heavy laden" might "come" unto Him and
He might refresh them,(14) because He is "meek and lowly in
heart."(15) "The meek will He guide in judgment; and the meek
will He teach His way;"(16) looking upon our humility and our
distress, and forgiving all our sins.(17)But such as are puffed
up with the elation of would-be sublimer learning, do not hear
Him saying, "Learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and
ye shall find rest unto your souls." "Because that, when they
knew God, they glorified Him not as God, neither were thankful;
but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart
was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became
fools."(19)
15. And therefore also did I read there, that
they had changed the glory of Thy incorruptible nature into idols
and divers forms, " into an image made like to corruptible man,
and to birds, and four-footed beasts, and creeping things,"(20)
namely, into that Egyptian food (21) for which Esau lost his
birthright;(22) for that Thy first-born people worshipped the
head of a four-footed beast instead of Thee, turning back in
heart towards Egypt, and prostrating Thy image their own soul
before the image "of an ox that eateth grass." These things
found I there; but I fed not on them. For it pleased Thee, O
Lord, to take away the reproach of diminution from Jacob, that
the elder should serve the younger; (2) and Thou hast called the
Gentiles into Thine inheritance. And I had come unto Thee from
among the Gentiles, and I strained after that gold which Thou
willedst Thy people to take from Egypt, seeing that wheresoever
it was it was Thine? And to the Athenians Thou saidst by Thy
apostle, that in Thee "we live, and move, and have our being ;"
as one of their own poets has said.(4) And verily these books
came from thence. But I set not my mind on the idols of Egypt,
whom they ministered to with Thy gold, "who changed the truth of
God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than
the Creator." 6
CHAP. X. DIVINE THINGS ARE
THE MORE CLEARLY MANIFESTED TO HIM WHO WITHDRAWS INTO THE
RECESSES OF HIS HEART.
16. And being thence warned to return to myself, I entered
into my inward self, Thou leading me on; and I was able to do it,
for Thou wert become my helper. And I entered, and with the eye
of my soul (such as it was) saw above the same eye of my soul,
above my mind, the Unchangeable Light? Not this common light,
which all flesh may look upon, nor, as it were, a greater one of
the same kind, as though the brightness of this should be much
more resplendent, and with its greatness fill up all things. Not
like this was that light, but different, yea, very different from
all these. Nor was it above my mind as oil is above water, nor
as heaven above earth; but above it was, because it made me, and
I below it, because I was made by it. He who knows the Truth
knows that Light; and he that knows it knoweth eternity. Love
knoweth it. O Eternal Truth, and true Love, and loved Eternity !
Thou art my God; to Thee do I sigh both night and day. When I
first knew Thee, Thou liftedst me up, that I might see there was
that which I might see, and that yet it was not I that did see.
And Thou didst beat back the infirmity of my sight, pouring forth
upon me most strongly Thy beams of light, and I trembled with
love and fear; and I found myself to be far off from Thee, in the
region of dissimilarity, as if I heard this voice of Thine from
on high: "I am the food of strong men; grow, and thou shalt feed
upon me; nor shall thou convert me, like the food of thy flesh,
into thee, but thou shall be converted into me." And I learned
that Thou for iniquity dost correct man, and Thou dost make my
soul to consume away like a spider? And I said, "Is Truth,
therefore, nothing because it is neither diffused through space,
finite, nor infinite ?" And Thou criedst to me from afar, "Yea,
verily, 'I AM THAT I AM'"(10) And I heard this, as things are
heard in the heart, nor was there room for doubt; and I should
more readily doubt that I live than that Truth is not, which is
"clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made."(1)
CHAP. XI. THAT CREATURES
ARE MUTABLE AND GOD ALONE IMMUTABLE.
17. And I
viewed the other things below Thee, and perceived that they
neither altogether are, nor altogether are not. They are,
indeed, because they are from Thee; but are not, because they are
not what Thou art. For that truly is which remains immutably?
It is good, then, for me to cleave unto God,(3) for if I remain
not in Him, neither shall I in myself; but He, remaining in
Himself, reneweth all things.(4) And Thou art the Lord my God,
since Thou stand-est not in need of my goodness.(5)
CHAP. XII. WHATEVER THINGS
THE GOOD GOD HAS CREATED ARE VERY GOOD.
18. And it
was made clear unto me that those things are good which yet are
corrupted, which, neither were they supremely good, nor unless
they were good, could be corrupted; because if supremely good,
they were incorruptible, and if not good at all, there was
nothing in them to be corrupted. For corruption harms, but, less
it could diminish goodness, it could Z;t l harm. Either, then,
corruption harms not, which cannot be; or, what is most certain,
all f which is corrupted is deprived of good. But if they be
deprived of all good, they will cease to be. For if they be, and
cannot be at all corrupted, they will become better, because they
shall remain incorruptibly. And what more monstrous than to
assert that those things which have lost all their goodness are
made better? Therefore, if they shall be deprived of all good,
they shall no longer be. So long, therefore, as they are, they
are good; therefore whatsoever is, is good. That evil, then,
which I sought whence it was, is not any substance; for were it a
substance, it would be good. For either it would be an
incorruptible substance, land so a chief good, or a corruptible
substance, which unless it were good it could not be corrupted.
I perceived, therefore, and it was made clear to me, that Thou
didst make all things good, nor is there any substance at all
that was not made by Thee; and because all that Thou hast made
are not equal, therefore all things are; because individually
they are good, and altogether very good, because our God made all
things very good.(6)
CHAP. XIII. IT IS MEET TO
PRAISE THE CREATOR FOR THE GOOD THINGS WHICH ARE MADE IN HEAVEN
AND EARTH.
19. And to Thee is there nothing at all evil, and not only
to Thee, but to Thy whole creation; because there is nothing
without which can break in, and mar that order which Thou hast
appointed it. But in the parts thereof, some things, because
they harmonize not with others, are considered evil; (7) whereas
those very things harmonize with others, and are good, and in
themselves are good. And all these things which do not harmonize
together harmonize with the inferior part which we call earth,
having its own cloudy and windy sky concordant to it. Far be it
from me, then, to say, "These things should not be." For should
I see nothing but these, I should indeed desire better; but yet,
if only for these, ought I to praise Thee; for that Thou art to
be praised is shown from the "earth, dragons, and all deeps;
fire, and hail; snow, and vapours; stormy winds fulfilling Thy
word; mountains, and all hills; fruitful trees, and all cedars;
beasts, and all cattle; creeping things, and flying fowl; kings
of the earth, and all people; princes, and all judges of the
earth; both young men and maidens; old men and children," praise
Thy name. But when, "from the heavens," these praise Thee,
praise Thee, our God, "in the heights," all Thy "angels," all Thy
"hosts," "sun and moon," all ye stars and light, "the heavens of
heavens," and the "waters that be above the heavens," praise Thy
name. (8) I did not now desire better things, because I was
thinking of all; and with a better judgment I reflected that the
things above were better than those below, but that all were
better than those above alone.
CHAP. XIV. BEING DISPLEASED
WITH SOME PART; OF GOD'S CREATION, HE CONCEIVES OF TWO ORIGINAL
SUBSTANCES.
20. There is no wholeness in them whom
aught of Thy creation displeased no more than there was in me,
when many things which Thou madest displeased me. And, because
my soul dared not be displeased at my God, it would not suffer
aught to be Thine which displeased it. Hence it had gone into
the opinion of two substances, and resisted not, but talked
foolishly. And, returning thence, it had made to itself a god,
through infinite measures of all space; and imagined it to be
Thee, and placed it in its heart, and again had become the temple
of its own idol, which was to Thee an abomination. But after
Thou hadst fomented the. head of me unconscious of it, and
closed mine eyes test they should "behold vanity," * I ceased
from myself a little, and my madness was lulled to sleep; and I
awoke in Thee, and saw Thee to be infinite, though in another
way; and this sight was not derived from the flesh.
CHAP. XV. WHATEVER IS, OWES
ITS BEING TO GOD.
21. And I looked hack on other
things, and I perceived that it was to Thee they owed their
being, and that they were all bounded in Thee; but in another
way, not as being in space, but because Thou boldest all things
in Thine hand in truth: and all things are true so fir as they
have a being; nor is there any falsehood, unless that which is
not is thought to be. And I saw that all things harmonized, not
with their places only, but with their seasons also. And that
Thou, who only art eternal, didst not begin to work after
innumerable spaces of times; for that all spaces of times, both
those which have passed and which shall pass, neither go nor
come, save through Thee, working and abiding.a
CHAP. XVI. EVIL ARISES NOT FROM A SUBSTANCE, BUT FROM THE PERVERSION
OF THE WILL.
22. And I discerned and found it no marvel, that bread which
is distasteful to an unhealthy palate is pleasant to a healthy
one; and that the light, which is painful to sore eyes, is
delightful to sound ones. And Thy righteousness displeaseth the
wicked; much more the viper and: little worm, which Thou hast
created good, fitting in with inferior parts of Thy creation; .
with which the wicked themselves also fit in, the more in
proportion as they are unlike Thee, but with the superior
creatures, in proportion as they become like to Thee. And I
inquired what iniquity was, and ascertained it not to be a
substance, but a perversion of the will, bent aside from-Thee, O
God, the Supreme Substance, towards these lower things, and
casting out its bowels, (4) and swelling outwardly.
CHAP. XVII. ABOVE HIS
CHANGEABLE MIND, HE DISCOVERS THE UNCHANGEABLE AUTHOR OF
TRUTH.
23. And I marvelled that I now loved Thee, and
no phantasm instead of Thee. And yet I did not merit to enjoy my
God, but was transported to Thee by Thy beauty, and presently
torn away from Thee by mine own weight, sinking with grief into
these inferior things. This weight was carnal custom. Yet was
there a remembrance of Thee with me; nor did I any way doubt that
there was one to whom I might cleave, but that I was not yet one
who could cleave unto Thee; for that the body which is corrupted
presseth down the soul, and the earthly dwelling weigheth down
the mind which thinketh upon many things? And most certain I was
that Thy "invisible things from the creation of the world are
clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even
Thy eternal power and Godhead."(6) For, inquiring whence it was
that I admired the beauty of bodies whether celestial or
terrestrial, and what supported me in judging correctly on things
mutable, and pronouncing, "This should be thus, this not, ",
inquiring, then, whence I so judged, seeing I did so judge, I had
found the unchangeable and true eternity of Truth, above my
changeable mind. And thus, by degrees, I passed from bodies to
the soul, which makes use of the senses of the body to perceive;
and thence to its inward (7) faculty, to which the bodily senses
represent outward things, and up to which reach the capabilities
of beasts; and thence, again, I passed on to the reasoning
faculty, (8) unto which whatever is received from the senses of
the body is referred to be judged, which also, finding itself to
be variable in me, raised itself up to its own intelligence, and
from habit drew away my thoughts, withdrawing itself from the
crowds of contradictory phantasms; that so it might find out that
light (1) by which it was besprinkled, when, without all
doubting, it cried out, "that the unchangeable was to be
preferred before the changeable;" whence also it knew that
unchangeable, which, unless it had in some way known, it could
have had no sure ground for preferring it to the changeable. And
thus, with the flash of a trembling glance, it arrived at that
which is. And then I saw Thy invisible things understood by the
things that are made? But I was not able to fix my gaze thereon;
and my infirmity being beaten back, I was thrown again on my
accustomed habits, carrying along with me naught but a loving
memory thereof, and an appetite for what I had, as it were, smelt
the odour of, but was not yet able to eat.
CHAP. XVIII. JESUS
CHRIST, THE MEDIATOR, IS THE ONLY WAY OF SAFETY.
24.
And I sought a way of acquiring strength sufficient to enjoy
Thee; but I found it not until I embraced that "Mediator between
God Z and man, the man Christ Jesus," "who is over all, God
blessed for ever,"(4) calling unto me, i and saying, "I am the
way, the truth, and the !life,"(5) and mingling that food which I
was unable to receive with our flesh. For "the Word was made
flesh," that Thy wisdom, by which Thou createdst all things,
might provide milk for our infancy. For I did not grasp my Lord
Jesus, I, though humbled, grasped not the humble One; (7) nor
did I know what lesson that infirmity of His would teach us. For
Thy Word, the Eternal Truth, pre-eminent above the higher parts
of Thy creation, raises up those that am subject unto Itself; but
in this lower world built for Itself a humble habitation of our
clay, whereby He intended to abase from themselves such as would
be subjected and bring them over unto Himself, allaying their
swelling, and fostering their love; to the end that they might go
on no further in self-confidence, but rather should become weak,
seeing before their feet the Divinity weak by taking our "coats
of skins ;" and wearied, might cast themselves down upon It, and
It rising, might lift them up.
CHAP. XIX. HE DOES NOT YET
FULLY UNDERSTAND THE SAYING OF JOHN, THAT "THE WORD WAS MADE
FLESH."
25. But I thought differently, thinking only of
my Lord Christ as of a man of excellent wisdom, to whom no man
could be equalled; especially for that, being wonderfully born of
a virgin, He seemed, through the divine care for us, to have
attained so great authority of leadership, for an example of
contemning temporal things for the obtaining of immortality. But
what mystery there was in, "The Word was made flesh," I could not
even imagine. Only I had learnt out of what is delivered to us
in writing of Him, that He did eat, drink, sleep, walk, rejoice
in spirit, was sad, and discoursed; that flesh alone did not
cleave unto Thy Word, but with the human soul and body. All know
thus who know the unchangeableness of Thy Word, which I now knew
as well as I could, nor did I at all have any doubt about it.
For, now to move the limbs of the body at will, now not; now to
be stirred by some affection, now not; non, by signs to enunciate
wise sayings, now to keep silence, are properties of a soul and
mind subject to change. And should these things be falsely
written of Him, all the rest would risk the imputation, nor would
there remain in those books any saving faith for the human race.
Since, then, they were written truthfully, I acknowledged a
perfect man to be in Christ not the body of a man only, nor with
the body a sensitive soul without a rational, but a very! man;
whom, not only as being a form of truth, but for a certain great
excellency of human nature and a more perfect participation of
wisdom, I decided was to be preferred before others. But Alypius
imagined the Catholics to believe that God was so clothed with
flesh, that, besides God and flesh, there was no soul in Christ,
and did not think that a human mind was ascribed to Him. And,
because He was thoroughly persuaded that the actions which were
recorded of Him could not be performed except by a vital and
rational creature, he moved the more slowly towards the Christian
faith. But, learning afterwards that this was the error of the
Apollinarian heretics, (2) he rejoiced in the Catholic faith, and
was conformed to it. But somewhat later it was, I confess, that
I learned how in the sentence, "The Word was made flesh," the
Catholic truth can be distinguished from the falsehood of
Photinus? For the disapproval of heretics makes the tenets of
Thy Church and sound doctrine to stand out boldly? For them must
be also heresies, that the approved may be made manifest among
the weak?
CHAP. XX. HE REJOICES THAT
HE PROCEEDED FROM PLATO TO THE HOLY SCRIPTURES, AND NOT THE
REVERSE.
26. But having then read those books of the Platonists, and
being admonished by them to search for incorporeal truth, I saw
Thy invisible things, understood by those things that are made;
and though .repulsed, I perceived what that was, which through
the darkness of my mind I was not allowed to contemplate,
assured that Thou wert, and wert infinite, and yet not diffused
in space finite or infinite; and that Thou truly art, who art the
same ever? varying neither in part nor motion; and that all
other things are from Thee, on this most sure ground alone, that
they are. Of these things was I indeed assured, yet too weak to
enjoy Thee. I chattered as one well skilled; but had I not
sought Thy .way in Christ our Saviour, I would have proved not
skilful, but ready to perish. For now, filled with my
punishment, I had begun to desire to seem wise; yet mourned I
not, but rather was puffed up with knowledge? For where was that
charity building upon the "foundation" of humility, "which is
Jesus Christ"?(4) Or, when would these books teach me it ? Upon
these, therefore, I believe, it was Thy pleasure that I should
fall before I studied Thy Scriptures, that it might be impressed
on my memory how I was affected by them; and that afterwards when
I was subdued by Thy books, and when my wounds were touched by
Thy healing fingers, I might discern and distinguish what a
difference there is between presumption and confession, between
those who saw whither they were to go, yet saw not the way, and
the way which leadeth not only to behold but to inhabit the
blessed country. For had I first been moulded in Thy Holy
Scriptures,. and hadst Thou, in the familiar use of them, grown
sweet unto me, and had I afterwards fallen upon those volumes,
they might perhaps have withdrawn me from the solid ground of
piety; or, had I stood firm in that wholesome disposition which I
had thence imbibed, I might have thought that it could have been
attained by the study of those books alone.
CHAP. XXI. WHAT HE FOUND IN
THE SACRED BOOKS WHICH ARE NOT TO BE FOUND IN PLATO.
27. Most eagerly, then, did I seize that venerable writing
of Thy Spirit, but more especially the Apostle Paul ; (6) and
those difficulties vanished away, in which he at one time
appeared to me to contradict himself, and the text of his
discourse not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the
Prophets. And the face of that pure speech appeared to me one
and the same; and I learned to "rejoice with trembling." (7) So
I commenced, and found that whatsoever truth I had there read was
declared here with the recommendation of Thy grace; that he who
sees may not so glory as if he had not receiveds not only that
which he sees, but also that he can see (for what hath he which
he hath not received?); and that he may not only be admonished to
see Thee, who art ever the same, but also may be healed, to hold
Thee; and that he who from afar off is not able to see, may still
walk on the way by which he may reach, behold, and possess Thee.
For though a man "delight in the law of God after the inward man,
(9) what shall he do with that other law in his members which
warreth against the law of his mind, and bringeth him into
captivity to the law of sin, which is in his members?(10) For
Thou art righteous, O Lord, but we have sinned and committed
iniquity, and have done wickedly,n and Thy hand is grown heavy
upon us, and we are justly delivered over unto that ancient
sinner, the governor of death; for he induced our will to be like
his will, whereby he remained not in Thy truth. What shall
"wretched man" do? "Who shall deliver him from the body of this
death," but Thy grace only, "through Jesus Christ our Lord,"(12)
whom Thou hast begotten co-eternal, and createdst1 (3) in the
beginning of Thy ways, in whom the Prince of this world found
nothing worthy of death,(1) yet killed he Him, and the
handwriting which was contrary to us was blotted out? This those
writings contain not. Those pages contain not the expression of
this piety, the tears of confession, Thy sacrifice, a troubled
spirit, "a broken and a contrite heart," (8) the salvation of the
people, the espoused city, the earnest of the Holy Ghost, (5) the
cup of our redemption? No man sings there, Shall not my soul be
subject unto God ? For of Him cometh my salvation, for He is my
God and my salvation, my defender, I shall not be further moved?
No one there hears Him calling, "Come unto me all ye that
labour." They scorn to learn of Him, because He is meek and
lowly of heart; (6) for "Thou hast hid those things from the wise
and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes." For it is one
thing, from the mountain's wooded summit to see the land of
peace,(10) and not to find the way thither, in vain to attempt
impassable ways, opposed and waylaid by fugitives and deserters,
under their captain the "lion"(11) and the "dragon;"(12) and
another to keep to the way that leads thither, guarded by the
host of the heavenly general, where they rob not who have
deserted the heavenly army, which they shun as torture. These things did in a wonderful manner sink into my bowels, when I read that "least of Thy apostles,"(13) and had reflected upon Thy works, and feared greatly.
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